Shenanigans in Prague (Pre-Korea)

1. Haircut.

I am still on the quest to chop off my locks. And once again, my hair is the shortest it has ever been. I would have liked to have my hair short with a fringe or have it as a longer version of a pixie cut, but my mother insisted that I needed hair to cover up the sides of my face because my face is too wide. So it ended up looking like some sort of bob cut.

While I like my hair, I have concluded after some observation that the default style made me look like a "bitchy fashion magazine editor-in-chief" or a Japanese transgender makeup artist, so I rearranged my hairline. Now I look either stylish or emo, depending on perception. I regret nothing.

2. Police

Apparently the Czech traffic police ticket you like mad during the end of the month. Most likely because they get evaluated for their efforts at the end of the month, they start pulling you over for the tiniest of offenses.

My mother got pulled over a few days ago, and she was puzzled as she had not violated any traffic laws as far as she was concerned. Probably noting the fact that she cannot speak a lick of Czech, they asked her to pay 1,000 CZK (about 60 dollars) and threatened her with a handcuff when she asked them to wait so she could call my dad's secretary (who was Czech) to figure out what this was all about.

After some three-way conversation via phone, it turned out my mother was supposed to have her car examined once every two years and have some sort of proof of it. However, it was apparently not an offense that required payment upon violation. She was allowed to go off.

"Police are corrupt everywhere in the world! Trying to get money out of me and threaten me with handcuffs over something I didn't even have to pay!" she fumed.

Warning to tourists and expats and locals : stick to public transit at the end of the month, and always have your transit ticket.

3. Feather

I only realized recently that despite my brother having dropped a shirt size and some pant sizes, he was not at all slim. I am allowed to poke fun at his previous comment of "I feel so light like a feather~!"

A feather that can still crush and suffocate you.

4. We had lots of sashimi yesterday. It was glorious.

5.  Nerds

My mother, with her two children away for college and her husband only coming home once or twice a week from Poland due to work, has plenty of free time. She has spent it on watching dramas and reading fan forums of JYJ. Even with both her children here for the summer, she still watches dramas and reads fan forums of JYJ with evident glee.

And I was starting to wonder where my nerdish tendencies came from. Glad to know that this was hereditary.

In other news, my brother has read way more manga than I have. I think I watched more anime, though.

YAY NERD FAMILY.

Home Sweet Home

The weather was nice and cool when I arrived in Prague.

Driving home, the sky was blue and the clouds were fluffy white. The fields were green with trees and grass, the air was fresh. Trams slid to and fro in the tracks and familiar streets and buildings welcomed me back.

In the house, there has been some change in furniture arrangement, but it was still the same apartment. My flower-patterened sheets and mom's patchwork quilt were warm and soft as ever. The wooden floor was sturdy and cool against my bare feet. The TV was secured on the Korean channel with its familiar Korean shows. The fridge welcomed me with familar food and snacks.

The cool summer breeze was flowing through the windows (oh, to live without air conditioning in the summer again!), the laundry was drying in the living room emitting the ever-familiar fragrance of detergent and fabric softener all around the house.

We had breakfast around 10, since I was back home at 8:30AM and was hungry. Breakfast consisted of rice, steamed eggs, spinach and shellfish soybean soup, and spicy pork. There were also banchan with dried anchovies and walnuts, kimchi, and some greens. I have nothing else to say other than that home food is extremely delicious and I have missed it so very much.

I don't know why, but it was strangely calming and relaxing to be back home. It wasn't just the familiarity of the place, but everything - from the weather to the bulidings to the atmosphere - everything about Prague made me feel relaxed and at ease. I then remembered that even back when I was living here full-time, I always did feel calm and relaxed around my surroundings for the most part, despite the occasional schoolwork stress and preparing for college. There's just something about the place itself that makes you feel good.

After a series of emotional rollercoasters from last semester, the ever-persistent minor self-esteem issues, and the anxiety over my life and future, inner peace and calm was what I really wanted. I'm not saying that Ann Arbor or any other location is a world of stress and hurt (I like Ann Arbor), but it is certainly a different atmosphere. Ann Arbor for the most part has a feeling of a lively small-town community for me, and while I enjoy its atmosphere as well, I have to say that Prague has more calm that I very much appreciate. It might just be me feeling this, but I stand by my observations.

After a pretty relaxing day, I am now up, ready to start another day. Because of possible jet lag and general fatigue, I have woken up at 6:30 AM, and by the time I'm writing this sentence, it's close to 8:50 AM and the rest of the family has yet to rise (yay night owl family). I think I'll help myself with another yogurt while I wait and chill some more (hey Andrew, I'm eating strawberry and müsli yogurt! nom nom nom!).

So to conclude, yay home. I know I'm only here for about a week before I head off to Korea, but I'm still going to enjoy the heck out of the stay.

Restaurant Week and other things

Wow, I have the best title-naming skills, ever.
Seriously, don't ever put me in charge of coming up with names or titles.

1. Restaurant Week has come and gone (well, technically it's till today, but the chances of me going to more is highly unlikely), and I have dined in two places thus far: the Mediterrano with the kendo people, and Shalimar with the Lounge people. Yes, I refer to my social cliques like that; they're the only people I ever hang out with in this vast University, anyway.

Mediterrano: a Mediterranean (duh) place. Went with Dan, Matt, and Heidi. Sadly, the turnover rate was a few people short of what we initially expected. Without Mike, our favorite teasing material person, Matt resorted to poking fun at Heidi, probably the next easiest target since she really doesn't like being called a hipster. I had cream of tomato soup, a chicken and pasta dish (whose name now escapes me, much to my embarrassment), and vanilla bean ice cream for dessert. The food was quite good, and they had very generous portions. Dan and I went to kata workshop afterwards, and were thus able to work off the food, among other things.

The bread they had was the awesome kind of bread - hard, crunchy crust; soft, moist insides; and a savory taste with a slight tang.

Cream of Tomato soup.

Main course.

 

 The ice cream.

Shalimar: Indian place. Went with Andrew and Sam. Yup, turns out that you could have a worse turnover rate for an event than I expected. The service guy seemed a little confused at times, such as giving Andrew lentil soup instead of samosas, and taking away his plate when Andrew said "I'm still working on it" (Why does everything screwy always happen to Andrew? ;_;) but otherwise, the food was quite tasty. Shalimar also had huge servings (what's with all these places with copious amounts of food?), which I am certain I would not have been able to finish under normal circumstances - I literally did not have food prior to coming to Shalimar.

As if to prove that Shalimar indeed had monster servings, I did not eat anything (well, save for the remainders of my green tea ice cream, which wasn't much to begin with) afterwards and I felt fine.

Lentil soup.

Main course and rice pudding (dessert)

2. Yesterday was a weird day; not only did I eat very irregularly, but I kept on falling asleep, and I was left with a huge sense of apathy. Hopefully today will be a little better. Perhaps the Shalimar food was spiked, as Andrew also noted he wished to sleep.

3. Currently writing an article about apartment complexes. As I try to interview people and get referred to one person after another, I realize how beurocratic everything is, and how regular, ordinary people aren't allowed to comment on this or that without getting permission from the higher-ups. 

As a twenty-one year old, I should know this by now, but it does make the difference when you're going by foot trying to interview them and you just end up ascending the corporate ladder of phone numbers and e-mail addresses until somebody is willing to talk to you, if you're lucky.

Add this on the reasons life as a child is more desirable than that of an adult.

4. http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/interest/2011-06-16/tiger-and-bunny-staff/kotetsu-hat-to-be-made-for-sale

So apparently they're going to sell Kotetsu's hat as merchandise in the near future.

This hat. Also, it's a very good excuse to put up another pic of him.

Four words: I want that hat.

I fucking want that hat.

I have never ever bought anime merchandise (exept for one very flimsy "notebook" with FMA on the cover, which is most probably not an official merchandise), but this hat I would buy in a heartbeat.

Do you know how difficult it is to get subtle, tasteful, nerdy products?

Almost every nerd product out there is flashy, gaudy, and loud, like Naruto T-shirts or backpacks; it's almost as if the product makers are scheming to have nerds stay forever alone and never give them a chance to contribute to the gene pool.

Have you seen a guy walking around campus with a Naruto T-shirt?! I have, multiple times, and trust me, nothing says "STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, I AM A SAD MANCHILD WITH NO SOCIAL SKILLS" in big, flashing letters like wearing a T-shirt with technicolor ninjas on your torso. Subtle nerd products that are blendable with everyday accessories that only those in the know would detect are as rare as shooting stars.

Perhaps I can scrounge about department stores and see if they have any hats that look similar enough. It seems like it could be a common and generic enough design. Well, one can dream.

(THAT HAT.)

I have a crush on a fictional man, among other things

My past blog entries have been unnecessarily gloomy as of late, as well as dull. Upon wondering why, I realize that I have been introspecting way too much. While gloomy introspection makes a good time to reflect oneself, it makes a horribly boring entry along with the background music of the smallest violin in the world. So here's some lighthearted stuff.

1. Geeky love

Some people will sigh happily and obsess over movie stars (living or dead), others will swoon over idol singers (living or... well, dead) and their pretty man-ness of it all. Meanwhile, I have devoted my fan love to an animated character.

Kotetsu T. Kaburagi/Wild Tiger from Tiger and Bunny.

 I spent over an hour trying to find a decent screenshot of him. I have officially lost all my sanity.


Like some contrived romantic comedy film plot, my encounter with this show has been purely coincidental, a passing curiosity, merely deciding to watch a few episodes thinking, "Well, it doesn't hurt to watch an episode or two".

And then it ended up being my biggest animated obsession in a while.

I will spare the review of the show and its merits in this entry and just say that I now have an immense and irrational crush on a fictional thirty-something old man. I thought this would be less silly than girls who scream in delight over corporate-manufactured pretty boys or rebellious hunks on the silver screen, but no, it's not. It just makes me seem geekier.

I cannot help it; this man is full of dorky adorableness with a good dose of heart, a dash of seriousness, and a sprinkle of slight resignation that the universe is conspiring against him. He also has a penchant of patting all the other characters on the head affectionately, which gives me massive brownie points.

It also helps that he has good fashion sense and a NICE HAT. And is really good looking. I want that hat.

Even if my dignity of a college student tries to stay calm, I cannot help grinning like an idiot and try not to burst into a fangirl scream of delight while watching the show. I can hear Robert laughing at me all the way from Japan. But oh god he's so dreamy aaaaaaaah.

I mean just look at the man.

At least I didn't upload the one screenshot where he is shirtless.

2. Green tea ice cream.

Clearly, this is one of those magical foods that you can't help but fall in love with. After much cravings for good quality green tea ice cream, I decided to make them myself, now that I finally have matcha powder.

It was successful, and it is most delicious.

And once again I realize how much a good food can make you feel better.

My freezer is also temporarily hosting a batch for Andrew, which I will give to him soon. Judging from licking its remnants on the spoon, Andrew's batch tastes much more creamier and well-blended, while mine is slightly rougher and tastes more of matcha. It must be the consistency of whipped cream.

In terms of "Younjoo-scale", I would give the ice cream a 4.5/5. I only hope that the unbelievably stingy "Andrew-scale" would find it palatable. I hope other people will get to have a little bit of it as well, as I am curious about other people's evaluations. because I'm egotistical and want some more praise, as I believe the ice cream came out well.


3. Reading

Although it's been a slow, slow progress (the Internet is much too distracting), I've been picking up several books and so far, I've enjoyed the experience. It has been a while since I read books for leisure and become immersed in them. I need to cut myself off from the Internet more often this summer so I can actually finish the books I've checked out.

There, hasn't this been much more cheerful and interesting to read?
Y's Babbles will come back with potentially more interesting stuff to write as Restaurant Week is here and hopefully I will eat out with company.

P.S. I have also read this entry through and had to edit it three times. I need better proofreading skills.

Token Good Teammate

This seems to describe me when I'm with friends. (tvtropes, how I love thee!)

I've known all along that I always get to be the "nice, quiet, boring one" in my social group. Things are easier that way.

In early days, before things like "puberty", "college", and "grades" became a serious issue, I was more often than not the popular kid, the leader among my group friends. If there was another popular kid in the group, I got to be the outgoing second-in command.
Sometimes I got to be a "cool older sister" when I had little kids to deal with.

Sometimes I was shunned by my elementary classmates - even though that stung, I was always able to find two or three people who liked me and we made our own micro-group... and then I was leader among them.

In the midst of the weird cycle of being popular one year and unpopular the next, I was always able to find friends, and all in all, I had no doubt that my friends liked me and followed me.

Those days were more than a decade ago and does not apply anymore.

New home, new school. False friendships and bullying ensued.

I kept telling myself, it's okay, that was just bad luck, once you get over this it will be fine, I'll be the same again. People will like me and I will be the social ringleader again.

Another new home, another new school. Still the same bullying. Pessimism emerged.

I thought, maybe I should just shut up. If I keep quiet, maybe no one will bother me.

So I did just that.

It worked. No one found fun in bullying a quiet, emotionless person. The bullying decreased. I got so good at it that sometimes they forgot I was even in the same classroom.

I became quiet, serious, barely existent. People didn't bother me. I got my inner peace back.

It worked.

It may have worked a little too well.

New home, new school, new friends. Now was my time to shine. Time to cast off the silent, stoic mask and become the cheerful, bubbly core of the social circle like I always was.

The mask didn't come off. Doubts grew instead.

What if they were only being friends with me out of obligation? What if they secretly don't like me? What if I'm imposing on them? I can't tell if people actually like me anymore.

Solution: stay as the nice, boring girl; nice enough to join in social activities, but distant enough to not be in the "best friend zone". I didn't want to displease anyone. I didn't want to make any trouble.

In retrospect, this was a self-fulfilling prophecy which I still have the urge to kick myself whenever I think about it. Good job making yourself miserable in high school, idiot.

New school, new friends.

To make a long story short, after much trials and tribulations as convoluted as a soap opera, the mask has at least partially come off. I started to remember, "This is what it meant to be friends", "This is what it meant to trust and love." I thought the mask was finally off.

It wasn't.

Lesson to small, impressionable children: if you adopt a persona long enough, it becomes a part of you.

While I am generally content, it irks me that I can never escape from being the nice, boring girl.

During the Chicago trip, we asked questions about each other as a bonding game. I found people I've known for over two years struggling to ask questions to me, finally settling with unproductive general questions such as, "What is your favorite color?" "Do you like dogs or cats?". I am also told that my impression to the kendo people is the goody-goody two shoes girl.

Not even artistic (this is a first), not even any other characteristic. "Just" a good girl.

Worries, doubts. I wonder if I messed up again. I wonder if I am repeating high school with people who I consider friends again.

My mother, ever the affectionate, well-meaning and brutally honest person she is, becomes angry that I'm still whining about my social insecurities at the grand old age of twenty-one.

"Well, what did you expect? You're not the most interesting person in the world, you know. Did you think people would just flock to you?"

"No, but I thought I was friends with-"

"That might be just what *you* think. Perhaps they don't think of you as much of a friend at all, especially if their impression of you is a boring good girl... and you're not even that much of a goody two-shoes."

I may be doing a disservice by making my mom sound like an evil matriarch. I can tell you that she is a very kind person. It's just that she never sugarcoats her words, ever.

She believes kids should know the awful truth as it is instead of beating around the bush, even if it traumatizes the said kids and reduces them to tears.

Pet bird died? No, we didn't send it to the neighbors, honey, it DIED. Want to know where babies come from? Here, have a sex-ed book with PICTURES. Overheard relatives talking badly about my fighting with my brother? Relay what the relatives said, word for word, and say that just because they're family doesn't mean relatives always love you, so you better behave yourself because they'll always look for more things to nitpick about. Family drama? Even family members turn ugly over things like money or school or children. That's how adults are, and that's life.

ANYWAY,

Mom tells me there are two options: one, change your personality because frankly, nobody will like you the way you are ("How did you even get a boyfriend?") or two, just suck it up and cling onto your friends like a leech.

Neither options sound plausible or pleasant to me. And I realize once again, I cannot escape the boring good girl persona, for it has become a permanent part of me.

I don't want to be boring. I don't want to be the person no one particularly cares about.

I don't know where to start.

Alternative Saturday Night

It's Saturday, and the rest of the (modern industrialized) world was partying it up - or at least spending quality time with their friends and companions.

It was my selfish desire to have at least a little bit of time to spend with my friends during my stay in Ann Arbor asides from writing Daily articles and studying for the GRE. I've been too accustomed to having no friends to interact with in Prague and Seoul for the past two summers that despite better judgment, I wanted to make most of my situation and hang out with friends as much as I could without disrupting my work.

So when it was Saturday afternoon, my designated break time, I decided to spend it with other people, so I headed over to Andrew's apartment.

We chatted, drank iced tea (because the weather was boiling outside) and looked at blogs of horribly made cakes, horribly dressed people and horrible Engrish.

Between all the time, Andrew tried contacting other friends to see if anyone would come and join, since it's more the merrier, and we were two nerds who didn't really know how else to spend time other than looking up things on the Internet, and there's only so much two platonic individuals can do to pass the time with no board games, no change of scenery, and no other people.

Nobody came by the time we had dinner. Everyone was either busy, unavailable, or not physically in Ann Arbor. Andrew headed out to borrow books (and search for people), while I entertained myself chatting with Robert (who is in Japan) on msn and watching Tiger and Bunny (*insert fangirl squeals of delight*)

When the show was over and I was still chatting with Robert, Andrew came back looking a bit dejected. The library was closed early, and no one was around to play when Andrew went searching. We continued to stare at our computer screens and started spending time solving Sporcle quizzes, consoling each other half-jokingly that nope, this wasn't sad at all, no siree, we were having a fun Saturday night.

Although I do not own a twitter account, I think it is appropos to include the "#" symbol that defines a huge portion of the internet-speak today to describe this spectacle. #foreveralone

Around 11PM, we finally got a hold of Emily, who happened to be living with the Carriage House folks (and knew Danling, Hannah, Emily, Amanda, and Andrew). I have seen her once or twice when she came to study with Andrew and had exchanged words a little bit; despite the massive student population at the University of Michigan, it was a very small world in regards to the student social circle.

Things turned a little less sad when there were three people. We went to Bubble Island, had bubble tea, and then continued to be nerds solving quizzes on Sporcle. It was still fun, though, and the change of atmosphere that an additional person gave was rather apparent.

So we didn't hit the bars or went partying/clubbing in the streets, but all in all, it still turned out to be an okay Saturday.

The never-ending cycle of self-deprecation and the introspection thereof

Those who know me well enough will know by now that I am a master of self-deprecation. Whether this comes from a low self-esteem, high standards, or the ability to cook up implausible fantasies that will never come true is unknown (it might even be all three at once), but I still do it.

Now, everyone has a moment where they hate themselves at least once in their lives. But when you've heard from your friends and acquaintances that it's tiring to hear you talk badly about yourself all the time, then you know you have become an expert at the art of self-deprecation. You also realize that you have now exhausted all your resources to bitch about life, and that unless there was a natural disaster or a horrific catastrophe, you should just shut the fuck up because clearly you're just asking for attention. At least, that's how others would see you.

It does beg the question as to what makes an individual perpetually talk badly about oneself and not try to solve whatever issue is bugging them. Can it be resignation? Laziness? Being a hypocrite? Or perhaps the individual has developed a sick thrill on self-deprecation that he/she is unable to stop (oh god I've heard all these things from people haven't I) I can't quite fathom the reasons yet, even with everything I ever bitch about life.

Perhaps it signifies the emotional immaturity of an individual; simply wanting a pat in the back and somebody to emotionally mother them so that all the bad things will go away and they can continue to float in a sad abyss where they try to forget their insecurities.

And I guess this is why Hideaki Anno made Neon Genesis Evangelion. And why did I have to let it be known to the world how much of a nerd I am? Sadly, unlike the aforementioned show, I don't pilot a gigantic mother's soul-infused mecha, nor do I live in a post-apocalyptic world where I can wish for destruction of humanity and everyone turns into orange goo. Although I am sure I like my individuality and don't want to turn into a gigantic lump of orange juice with everyone else in the world. Maybe.

Perhaps, as the show said, self-deprecation is what nearly everyone does and it's simply a matter of fact, so we should just all get over it, even if it seems impossible. It would certainly be nice to not have anyone tell me I'm just being an attention whore when I'm complaining about my life on Facebook, when all I wanted was just somebody to say "it's okay" - not a compliment, not some pseudo-inspirational speech, not a hyperlink to a psychiatrist, but just an electronic hug and a pat on the back.

Perhaps I should actually get outside the house so I don't think about these things.
On the other hand, I like the strikethrough tool way too much for my own good. Look at all the things you can say and then unsay, it's like it was made just for me!