The never-ending cycle of self-deprecation and the introspection thereof

Those who know me well enough will know by now that I am a master of self-deprecation. Whether this comes from a low self-esteem, high standards, or the ability to cook up implausible fantasies that will never come true is unknown (it might even be all three at once), but I still do it.

Now, everyone has a moment where they hate themselves at least once in their lives. But when you've heard from your friends and acquaintances that it's tiring to hear you talk badly about yourself all the time, then you know you have become an expert at the art of self-deprecation. You also realize that you have now exhausted all your resources to bitch about life, and that unless there was a natural disaster or a horrific catastrophe, you should just shut the fuck up because clearly you're just asking for attention. At least, that's how others would see you.

It does beg the question as to what makes an individual perpetually talk badly about oneself and not try to solve whatever issue is bugging them. Can it be resignation? Laziness? Being a hypocrite? Or perhaps the individual has developed a sick thrill on self-deprecation that he/she is unable to stop (oh god I've heard all these things from people haven't I) I can't quite fathom the reasons yet, even with everything I ever bitch about life.

Perhaps it signifies the emotional immaturity of an individual; simply wanting a pat in the back and somebody to emotionally mother them so that all the bad things will go away and they can continue to float in a sad abyss where they try to forget their insecurities.

And I guess this is why Hideaki Anno made Neon Genesis Evangelion. And why did I have to let it be known to the world how much of a nerd I am? Sadly, unlike the aforementioned show, I don't pilot a gigantic mother's soul-infused mecha, nor do I live in a post-apocalyptic world where I can wish for destruction of humanity and everyone turns into orange goo. Although I am sure I like my individuality and don't want to turn into a gigantic lump of orange juice with everyone else in the world. Maybe.

Perhaps, as the show said, self-deprecation is what nearly everyone does and it's simply a matter of fact, so we should just all get over it, even if it seems impossible. It would certainly be nice to not have anyone tell me I'm just being an attention whore when I'm complaining about my life on Facebook, when all I wanted was just somebody to say "it's okay" - not a compliment, not some pseudo-inspirational speech, not a hyperlink to a psychiatrist, but just an electronic hug and a pat on the back.

Perhaps I should actually get outside the house so I don't think about these things.
On the other hand, I like the strikethrough tool way too much for my own good. Look at all the things you can say and then unsay, it's like it was made just for me!