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| Original pencil |
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| Medibang, G pen |
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| CSP line, rough pen |
Monday, October 2, 2023
Wednesday, February 24, 2021
I wanna be famous, baby
In the 1% chance that someone else other than me sees this post, know that this was done as a fun thought experiment, because who doesn't dream of becoming famous?
This was done after being inspired by a Naver blogger who I follow, a currently 22-year-old person who dreams of becoming a jewelry designer.
They have not yet gone to college, and is still looking for a job - normally, I would have scoffed at their conditions. I was 22 once, and I too thought the world would be my oyster then. Years later, after countless rejections and numerous events beyond my control, I've been humbled, even become cyncial and rather pessimistic. You don't know what you're in for yet, child, the world will swallow you alive, I'd say.
But something about their cheeky declaration - the insistence that despite their situations, they WILL be famous one day, just you wait and see - was just so charming that my cynicism melted away and I found myself rooting for them.
I too, dream of being famous one day; not for jewelry design, but for my writing and drawing. Right now, I am working on a comic script, with the intent to make it into a fully-fledged webcomic series that I plan to post on Webtoons.
It's highly unlikely that Webtoons will pick up my series, and even more unlikely that Webtoons Korea will pick it up, but nevertheless, that is my dream - to gain a following for my story, and have English Webtoons pick it up.
Then, I will find out how Webtoons Korea selects English Webtoons works to display on their site. I will translate my comic series from English to Korean, and suggest if Webtoons Korea could pick up my work. After all, I already did the translation for them, so it's only a matter of whether they would like it enough to pick it up.
I will be known not only for my stories, but also for being the Webtoon creator who is fully bilingual and publishes their stories in both English and Korean. No longer will there be fan wars on the "correct" translated version, no dispute about how to spell the name of a character or where they are from, and no worries about getting my work translated by an amateur who misinterprets all my lines. It will be straight from the original source.
Of course, there will be those who criticize me for gaining clout for my bilingual abilities rather than my abilities as a storyteller or artist. But lesser webcomic artists have gained fame for more trivial reasons, so why can't I gain fame for being bilingual? After all, we're constantly told to promote our own "brand", and that is something that will certainly distinguish me from the other creators.
And did I tell you that I plan to be completely anonymous the whole time?
(Incidentally, the blogger person I mentioned in the begining also aspires to be famous while being anonymous; another reason why I was so drawn to them)
I have a pen name ready (my instagram handle), and my pen name and my works will be all that most people will know me by. I plan on being anonymous and unidentifiable on every other aspect of my life other than that.
Journalists and people will have to refer to me as they/them, as they know nothing about my identity. I will be a Mx. when addressed to, and I will stay that way, probably until death.
This is because of multiple reasons: 1) I am a terribly shy, introverted and sensitive soul 2) Due to my name being so odd, if I were to gain fame by my actual name, I would essentially never have a private life, at least in Korea. Never mind that I will also be causing inconvenience to like, the 2-3 people who share my full name. 3) I am a selfish bastard who only wants to enjoy the good parts of fame and not have my actual self be attached to any bad parts of fame.
So that is my little daydream of becoming famous. I am far older than 22 and I know I'm not in the best position to launch myself into fame. Hell, I'm notoriously bad at attracting an audience for any of my social media and blogs. But, just like that blogger declared - I WILL be famous one day, just you wait and see.
Monday, May 25, 2020
On why I decided to make comics, or at least try to
From a very young age, I had always wanted to become a fiction writer.
Throughout my life, friends, family and acquaintances told me that I was a good writer. I wanted to write my own book, a bestseller just like the Harry Potter series! I thought. This was also more or less encouraged by my mother, who loved the idea of her child becoming an author so much that it became her own personal dream as well.
To a highly privileged, highly sheltered, academically excelling teenager, everything seemed simple; I will go to a good college and major in literature, graduate and get a good job, and then finally write my masterpiece that will, inevitably, become the next Harry Potter series.
I am now thirty years old and laugh at how shockingly naive past me had been.
My mother still hopes that I will write and publish a novel some day, but I don't know if it will ever be that easy.
For starters, I am a Korean national married to an American, and I am planning to spend the next chapter of my life in the United States in the foreseeable future. But due to multiple personal reasons I intend to retain my South Korean nationality if I could help it.
Would an American publishing agent ever have the motivation to publish the works of a Korean national? The answer is probably no, unless said Korean national had something unique and irreplaceable that they could offer to the American publishing agent, like incredible knowledge about South Korean history or culture, things like that. Things that are important, yes, but things that I am not necessarily interested in writing about at the current stage of my life.
This is to say, I don't want to write about Korean things just because I am Korean. I realize that representation and identity politics are important, but for me, the expectation that one MUST write about Korean things because they are Korean seems suffocating, like being pigeonholed into another stereotype. I realize everyone has different thoughts on this matter but that is my honest opinion.
Besides, I have not grown up as a racial minority in America. Despite having grown up as a culturally confused third culture kid, racially speaking, my sense of identity is more rooted to that of being a racial majority in South Korea.
Then why don't you publish in Korea, where there will be no weird racial and national expectations put upon you? The problem THERE is that my Korean writing is nowhere near as good as my writing in English. During my internship at a newspaper company, I was told by a journalist that my Korean writing needed work - until I told her that I had barely lived in Korea during the then twenty five years of my life. She quickly switched gears and said that my Korean writing was amazing considering my life situation. THAT is the extent of my Korean writing skills; good for someone who was barely educated in it, but very, very far from being journalistic or literature material from an objective standpoint.
So what is a person like me, a Korean national who can't write well enough in Korean to crack into the Korean literature scene, yet has nothing appealing to offer to the Anglosphere do?
Meanwhile, I have also heard from friends, family and acquaintances throughout my life that I was a good artist. Of course, I am far from the best, and after my artistic hiatus in college and grad school, where I barely drew anything with effort, my skills have definitely gotten rusty. But generally, I noticed that I had been able to draw more complicated shapes compared to others, and I would get compliments for it.
Despite being told all my life that I was a good artist, I kept my artistic endeavors secondary to my writing as my mother determined that a writing-based career would be more valuable in the long run compared to an art-based career. And I agreed with her for two reasons; one, I was a very picky artist and essentially hated drawing things that others dictated for me, which is... the entire point of an art career. Second, I drew well but had very little sense of design or composition, qualities that would carry one much further in more realistic art-based careers such as graphic design.
I did think to myself that I would like to illustrate my own book if the opportunity allowed it, but the idea to make a comic did not occur to me until 2016, when I suddenly thought of a bunch of original characters which got me back into drawing more regularly.
I really wanted to share the images and stories of my characters with others, and for that there already existed a perfect medium; comics. More precisely, webcomics.
I had never formally worked on a comic, as in, I have never self-published or posted any webcomics to a website or any comic platform, but I did remember my countless childhood endeavors trying to create my own "manga" volumes based on my characters (only to quit once I lost interest), and have also managed to complete several "American-style comic" volumes about my characters and their adventures. I remembered how much fun I had in making those comics. And I wanted to try it in a more serious manner this time, at least once in my life.
I know it won't be easy; in fact, creating a comic would require double or triple the amount of effort it takes to just write a book without having to worry about pictures and shot composition. But I believe to a person of my situation, who wants to write culturally nonspecific fiction and fantasy, but have no competitive edge to publish their works in either Korea and the US, and have dabbled a bit in drawing, a comic is probably the best way to go about things.
I know that my comic won't be a success; that my first work would probably suck. I also know that there would be moments where I am too depressed to work or spend hours filled with regret on my personal mission or feel guilty for not working on it enough.
But everyone has to start from somewhere.
Throughout my life, friends, family and acquaintances told me that I was a good writer. I wanted to write my own book, a bestseller just like the Harry Potter series! I thought. This was also more or less encouraged by my mother, who loved the idea of her child becoming an author so much that it became her own personal dream as well.
To a highly privileged, highly sheltered, academically excelling teenager, everything seemed simple; I will go to a good college and major in literature, graduate and get a good job, and then finally write my masterpiece that will, inevitably, become the next Harry Potter series.
I am now thirty years old and laugh at how shockingly naive past me had been.
My mother still hopes that I will write and publish a novel some day, but I don't know if it will ever be that easy.
For starters, I am a Korean national married to an American, and I am planning to spend the next chapter of my life in the United States in the foreseeable future. But due to multiple personal reasons I intend to retain my South Korean nationality if I could help it.
Would an American publishing agent ever have the motivation to publish the works of a Korean national? The answer is probably no, unless said Korean national had something unique and irreplaceable that they could offer to the American publishing agent, like incredible knowledge about South Korean history or culture, things like that. Things that are important, yes, but things that I am not necessarily interested in writing about at the current stage of my life.
This is to say, I don't want to write about Korean things just because I am Korean. I realize that representation and identity politics are important, but for me, the expectation that one MUST write about Korean things because they are Korean seems suffocating, like being pigeonholed into another stereotype. I realize everyone has different thoughts on this matter but that is my honest opinion.
Besides, I have not grown up as a racial minority in America. Despite having grown up as a culturally confused third culture kid, racially speaking, my sense of identity is more rooted to that of being a racial majority in South Korea.
Then why don't you publish in Korea, where there will be no weird racial and national expectations put upon you? The problem THERE is that my Korean writing is nowhere near as good as my writing in English. During my internship at a newspaper company, I was told by a journalist that my Korean writing needed work - until I told her that I had barely lived in Korea during the then twenty five years of my life. She quickly switched gears and said that my Korean writing was amazing considering my life situation. THAT is the extent of my Korean writing skills; good for someone who was barely educated in it, but very, very far from being journalistic or literature material from an objective standpoint.
So what is a person like me, a Korean national who can't write well enough in Korean to crack into the Korean literature scene, yet has nothing appealing to offer to the Anglosphere do?
Meanwhile, I have also heard from friends, family and acquaintances throughout my life that I was a good artist. Of course, I am far from the best, and after my artistic hiatus in college and grad school, where I barely drew anything with effort, my skills have definitely gotten rusty. But generally, I noticed that I had been able to draw more complicated shapes compared to others, and I would get compliments for it.
Despite being told all my life that I was a good artist, I kept my artistic endeavors secondary to my writing as my mother determined that a writing-based career would be more valuable in the long run compared to an art-based career. And I agreed with her for two reasons; one, I was a very picky artist and essentially hated drawing things that others dictated for me, which is... the entire point of an art career. Second, I drew well but had very little sense of design or composition, qualities that would carry one much further in more realistic art-based careers such as graphic design.
I did think to myself that I would like to illustrate my own book if the opportunity allowed it, but the idea to make a comic did not occur to me until 2016, when I suddenly thought of a bunch of original characters which got me back into drawing more regularly.
I really wanted to share the images and stories of my characters with others, and for that there already existed a perfect medium; comics. More precisely, webcomics.
I had never formally worked on a comic, as in, I have never self-published or posted any webcomics to a website or any comic platform, but I did remember my countless childhood endeavors trying to create my own "manga" volumes based on my characters (only to quit once I lost interest), and have also managed to complete several "American-style comic" volumes about my characters and their adventures. I remembered how much fun I had in making those comics. And I wanted to try it in a more serious manner this time, at least once in my life.
I know it won't be easy; in fact, creating a comic would require double or triple the amount of effort it takes to just write a book without having to worry about pictures and shot composition. But I believe to a person of my situation, who wants to write culturally nonspecific fiction and fantasy, but have no competitive edge to publish their works in either Korea and the US, and have dabbled a bit in drawing, a comic is probably the best way to go about things.
I know that my comic won't be a success; that my first work would probably suck. I also know that there would be moments where I am too depressed to work or spend hours filled with regret on my personal mission or feel guilty for not working on it enough.
But everyone has to start from somewhere.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Anime Analysis: Sarazanmai
While other 29-year olds of the world spent their weekends reading Important Adult Books, doing Important Adult Things and Taking Relaxing Adult Breaks, I, on the other hand, found out about Sarazanmai and watched the whole thing over the weekend.
I named this post Anime Analysis so I can match it with my other post, "Anime Analysis: Yuri on Ice", but this isn't so much of an analysis as it is an... impression. Why?
Because I don't know if I have the brainpower, cultural knowledge, or the sanity to properly analyze whatever the hell was going on in this series.
I will now proceed to just kind of ramble about this anime for a while.
Synopsis: (from MyAnimelist)
Kazuki Yasaka, an 8th grader living in Asakusa, is turned into a Kappa along with his classmates Toi and Enta by a mysterious creature named Keppi, after they break inadvertently a statue of a Kappa, the guardian god of the city. They are then ordered by Keppi, who claims to be the first heir to the throne of Kappa Kingdom, to fight against the Kapa-zombies, bioarms created by his enemies, if they want to return to their human form.
In order to kill them, they have to make a specific sound called "Sarazanmai" which is produced only when the three of them are united, but the three boys cannot connect at first. In addition, one of their secrets is revealed to each other every time they emit the sound! They finally accept to take risks to collect the "Plates of Hope," given by Keppi when they defeat the Kapa-zombies, and which can make their wishes come true.
However, some trouble occurs over the plates...! Along the course of the fights against the Kapa-zombies, their fierce past and inner conflicts keep getting revealed. This is the sarcastic fantasy of three boys who don't feel connected to their important ones, getting to realize the real meaning of bonds.
TL;DR review summary: IT'S REALLY FUCKING WEIRD BUT IT GETS GOOD I SWEAR TO GOD.
1. I cannot stress enough how fucking weird and bizarre the series is. The entire reason I post this on my now dead blog instead of like, anywhere else is because I want to talk about this a lot but I just... can't. The below image kind of explains everything.
2. The series has a lot of butts and butt imagery and it's... honestly hard to stomach it but apparently it's all part of some Japanese folklore involving the Kappa. I dunno man, Japan is fucking weird sometimes.
3. Whoever is reading this, don't run away and keep reading because, BECAUSE, BECAUSE, in spite of all the distressing anal imagery, this show has heart. It has genuine heart and tells the story of three troubled middle-schoolers trying to cope with their lives and connect with those dear to them.
4. I started watching Sarazanmai in the first place after the show ended in Japan due to the sheer volume of Korean otaku screaming about how good of a show this was: it's really weird but it's so good, they said, you have to watch it to understand, they said.
5. At first I was hesitant to watch it because it seemed like it would be some coming of age story about three middle school boys and I honestly wasn't interested in some barely pubescent children tackle issues about growing up.
But you know what? The show made me care about these boys.
And it's not because these boys are troubled (the boys as a whole are way more troubled than any average 14-year-old has the right to). As the story progressed, you learn about the boy's lives and secrets and traumas, and juxtaposed with how young and vulnerable and full of heart they are, you just get to root for them. You want these boys to be happy. You want these boys to have better lives. And you finally understand why you just gotta keep watching in spite of all the weird Japanese Butt Stuff.
6. I also liked that the show wasn't afraid to pull its punches. In my post on Yuri on Ice, I complained that the characters' actions did not have any consequences and whatever they did did not matter at the end.
In Sarazanmai, actions definitely have consequences. Lies are exposed, secrets are leaked out, crimes are answered for, and only honesty and genuine communication save any of the characters and get them their desired consequences. I liked that.
7. You know what else Sarazanmai did right? Being unambiguously and unapologetically gay. One of the protagonists, Enta, has a non-ambiguous, actual and literal gay crush on his childhood friend Kazuki.
I'm sorry for constantly comparing this with Yuri on Ice and dissing the former show but THIS is how you handle gay stuff, Yuri on Ice! Not with homoerotic fan service and ambiguous are-they-or-aren't-they relationships, but with actual, clear statements about how gay your gay characters are! Fuck you, Yuri on Ice!
8. Now that I've said enough about the boys and the show's plot, I shall now ramble on about my personal favorite part of the show: the antagonists, The Hot Otter Cops.
What finally got me convinced to watch Sarazanmai were google image results of these pretty boys and the fact that they exist. Middle school boys tackle growing up? Ehh... THESE pretty boys are also in the show? Sign me the fuck up!
I love how extra they are, and their song-and-dance sequence is just the Fucking Most.
And if you thought these Hot Otter Cops seem a bit homoerotic, it's because... well, spoilers, they're also unambiguously gay. The Hot Otter Cops antagonize the three boys throughout the story because they got their own desires and purposes to fulfill, which involves the fact that they are lovers who lost something important to them.
I did wish the show focused on their backstory a little bit more because their story arc seemed a little bit rushed compared to the middle school boys' stories, but I enjoyed every screentime they got all the same.
9. So... once I got used to the SHEER FUCKING WEIRDNESS and all the anal imagery, I enjoyed watching this series very much. I would recommend it to people if not for the fact that the initial premise is an insanely hard sell.
But trust me, it gets good, it gets better. You won't regret having watched it. It's also only 11 episodes long so it's an easy series to breeze through.
You should probably watch it alone or with a very trusting companion, though.
Saturday, August 4, 2018
Doodle Diaries: Foray into Instagram
I made an art account on instagram!
Link to account: https://www.instagram.com/baekho_draw/
There aren't a lot of posts yet and I have literally zero followers at the moment, but hey.
I'll mostly be posting on my account now instead of this blog, which only has like, 2-3 actual readers at most.
Link to account: https://www.instagram.com/baekho_draw/
There aren't a lot of posts yet and I have literally zero followers at the moment, but hey.
I'll mostly be posting on my account now instead of this blog, which only has like, 2-3 actual readers at most.
Sunday, July 1, 2018
Doodle Diaries: Digital drawings, H1 2018
All digital drawings from January - June 2018.
I drew a lot in the beginning of the year, then depression got the better of me towards mid-late spring and then I hardly drew anything.
Anyway, here they are.
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| 2018/01/08 I like using my high school as backgrounds. The colors came out nice in this one. |
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| 2018/01/14 YJS's quest to use every pattern provided by Clip Studio Paint as backgrounds continues. |
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| 2018/01/21 First time using 3D models as backgrounds! |
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| 2018/02/05 Everyone came out looking kind of chunky. More experimentation using patterns and backgrounds. |
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| 2018/02/07 I still like how this one came out. Starting to solidify how to line and color. |
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| 2018/03/04 Tried a bunch of experiments on this, such as 3D model posing, different pens, different brushes. I don't like how it came out, decided to stick with the way I usually line and color. |
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| 2018/03/04 Used a photo reference for the go-cart and photo for road background. I like that I was able to convey a sense of action in this one. |
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| 2018/03/27 Used photo references for poses. I think I'm starting to get the hang of how to shade. It was fun designing clothes for them. |
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| 2018/04/16 Spring fashion, part 2. Also used photo reference for poses. |
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| 2018/04/21 My school makes for excellent backgrounds. It was fun adding backlight on them to match the background. |
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| 2018/06/28 The first drawing I did after a long bout of not drawing anything digitally. Relieved to find that I haven't lost any skills during the absence. |
Monday, April 2, 2018
Doodle Diaries: I drew another 3-page thing again
(Link to look at my older, shittier attempt at a 3-page comic thing from last year.)
I attempted a 3-page comic again. This time I thumbnailed the panel layout before drawing but didn't work on writing, so the dialogue came after I drew things out.
Once again, there isn't much going on in terms of story. I just wanted to see how I would do drawing in comic format now that my coloring sucks a little less.
Page 1 (Finished March 23)
This was my first time using the comic format in Clip Studio Paint so this page took forever.
I tried to add more variety into the background compared to my old comic, where I just filled the panels with lockers. I could have put more effort, but this was the most effort I could give before being completely bored by it.
I used a thinner line and a G-pen to make it look less outline-y, which I think I half-succeeded. I'm getting closer to the type of look I want my digital art to have, but I need to figure out a few more things.
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Page 2 (Finished March 25)
I liked the interaction between Ran and Marie. Their body languages are distinct and adds to the scene.
I should probably use a different font next time.
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Page 3 (Finished April 2)
I know this page is kind of empty. Kind of a layout fail on my part. I could have used more dynamic body language or different face expressions to liven things up.
You can also see that I stopped giving a shit about backgrounds.
I added gradients on the clothes this time, which seemed to add more dimension, but it's still not quite the look that I am aiming for when drawing.
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Better-looking than last year, but still VERY amateurish. I don't know if it's the coloring or composition or what. The flat backgrounds probably didn't help.
Some day, YJS. Some day.
I attempted a 3-page comic again. This time I thumbnailed the panel layout before drawing but didn't work on writing, so the dialogue came after I drew things out.
Once again, there isn't much going on in terms of story. I just wanted to see how I would do drawing in comic format now that my coloring sucks a little less.
Page 1 (Finished March 23)
This was my first time using the comic format in Clip Studio Paint so this page took forever.
I tried to add more variety into the background compared to my old comic, where I just filled the panels with lockers. I could have put more effort, but this was the most effort I could give before being completely bored by it.
I used a thinner line and a G-pen to make it look less outline-y, which I think I half-succeeded. I'm getting closer to the type of look I want my digital art to have, but I need to figure out a few more things.
---
Page 2 (Finished March 25)
I liked the interaction between Ran and Marie. Their body languages are distinct and adds to the scene.
I should probably use a different font next time.
---
Page 3 (Finished April 2)
I know this page is kind of empty. Kind of a layout fail on my part. I could have used more dynamic body language or different face expressions to liven things up.
You can also see that I stopped giving a shit about backgrounds.
I added gradients on the clothes this time, which seemed to add more dimension, but it's still not quite the look that I am aiming for when drawing.
---
Better-looking than last year, but still VERY amateurish. I don't know if it's the coloring or composition or what. The flat backgrounds probably didn't help.
Some day, YJS. Some day.
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