Doodle Diaries: Drunk doodles, July 23, 2016

It was a Saturday and the family had fried chicken and beer for dinner because why the heck not, it's Saturday and people want to indulge every once in a while.

I had too much beer and got super drunk. After crashing into all of the home appliances, I ran into my room and sketched my character being drunk because haha, I'm drunk and he's drunk and that's hilarious!

I came to my senses after a few hours and properly drew how I felt afterwards.

Don't drink and doodle, kids.

I'll write/draw about the more normal trials and tribulations of drawing next time, I swear.

Doodle Diaries: The beginning of Original Characters

I don't know where I should begin talking about my doodles and whatnot, but I guess I should mention from the beginning.

So the fabulous man isn't dressed very fabulous right now, but he's still around as a character! So is the tiny girl.

I've created original characters in elementary, middle school and high school, but at age 26! That's something I certainly did not expect.

Creating original characters is equal parts very fun and very embarrassing. It's fun because creating your own world is fun in general, but it's embarrassing because can you imagine how you would sound in front of people?

There's a reason I made this blog private.

So right now I have four proper characters, as seen below (I had more but the others have been discarded for the time being as I realized I designed them just for the sake of it and actually had nothing much going on for them)

I drew this at like 1AM so they look kind of sloppy. Ah well.

They live life and play this fictional... sports thing that I have failed at establishing for the past three months.

The initial idea I had (based on the aforementioned mental image) was some sort of MMA type sports mixed with fast-paced music, like Dance Dance Revolution but instead of stepping on arrows on a screen, you beat the crap out of each other.

I've toyed around with a few ideas and everything sounded stupid. This is what I get for not even being interested in sports but trying to put my characters in a sports setting. If anyone has good ideas please send help. I'm still working on it.

Meanwhile, I've just been drawing them living life without the sports part.

I also occasionally draw other things.

It's a very strange hobby but it's a hobby nonetheless.

Doodle Diaries: Some sort of beginning

So I've mentioned to a small number of my friends that I've started drawing consistently again for the first time since high school/beginning of college.

To clarify: technically, I've never completely STOPPED drawing: I have always doodled something even during my "off" years.

I remember drawing this because I got anxious about not drawing as much anymore.

It's just that I used to draw roughly 3-4 times a week, but during the "off" years, not counting the art class I took in senior year, the amount dwindled to roughly 3-4 times a month. And most of that consisted of doodling on my college notebooks during class, so while I technically drew something, it wasn't really anything of substance.

(That's drawing for 36~48 days out of 365 days versus drawing 156~208 days out of 365 days.)

Most importantly, I was just less excited about drawing in general and needed to be "forced" to draw for a class or something to get any sort of joy out of it.

So I was pretty happy to have gotten back that burning will to draw after so many years. Of course, there's no way of knowing if or when it would go away again, but I'm hoping that it stays for a while this time.

Since I resumed drawing regularly I've also wanted to announce every little thing about it to the world, like all the joy and pain and the blunders and progresses... basically, I wanted to act like those parents on Facebook who overshare stories about their newborn babies.

But I know everyone hates the parents on Facebook who overshare stories about their newborn babies. So I decided to dump all of my stories here, on my very old and very dead blog.

I will blather about pointless things a lot and sometimes I will sound like a completely mental person and not at all like a mature, functioning adult of 26. But I don't care.

Entries will vary wildly in length and updates will be sporadic. And knowing me, I might not bother with this after like, the first ten entries. But hey, here we go.

Life (Past): (Words and doodles)

I promised close friends that I would update my life via words and doodles (which gathered the most traffic my virtually dead blog has ever seen!) "soon", but I've stalled.

I know there isn't some burning demand to know my whereabouts and doodles (except for maybe, like, five people?), but why not. So here they are.

I thought I ought to provide a brief summary of the past few months for context.

***

May 2014: 

Some stuff happened a few weeks before J-school graduation:

My defense mechanism was to pretend like I was okay.

I think it worked, somewhat. Maybe.

June-July 2014:

I miraculously got an (unpaid) internship, after being rejected from all of them during J-school. I went to it.

Applied to more internships for the fall, but was rejected from all of them.

I also got very sick one day, so I took a day off and could not move for most of the day.

(Which I promptly threw up the next day.)

But when I recovered physically, I found that I have not recovered mentally.

(I would like to add that I also went to bathrooms and showered like a civilized human being.)

When it became clear that my mental state was not temporary and also affecting my work, I called Columbia's mental health counselling.

August 2014:

I went to counselling and was told I was displaying some symptoms of depression. I agreed with the counselor.

I also started getting panic attacks.

If you've never had panic attacks before, this is how it kind of feels:

I was given Xanax.

I decided to go home.

Everything just became too much. Landing internships are difficult, even more so as an international student. I was also mentally unwell. Maybe I could have tried for longer, but I felt like I was literally, seriously going insane. I needed a break.

There were many days in NYC where I met with friends and had a lovely time. It was just that they were outweighed by my problems.

September~November 2014:

Prague. Home. I rested and tried to recover.

I also took a short internship at the Prague Post (also unpaid).

Then I heard that a Korean newspaper company I was interested in were looking for new hires, so I applied, which you can find out here:

Journalism Hunger Games + Life part 1
Journalism Hunger Games + Life part 2

December 2014

LOL FAILED THE HUNGER GAMES.

 

But a few weeks later, it turned out they were looking for paid interns as well.

But I decided to apply, mainly due to this:

(Can you tell I had a comic blog planned months ago that I never followed through until now?)

And also:

The most important reason.

So I re-applied despite feeling silly, and got the 6-month paid internship!

I spent the last few days with family and saying goodbye to Prague, which was home to me for twelve years (!)

This turned out a lot longer than I thought, so I'll talk about stuff that happened in 2015 next time!

Comics in Korea 2

I meant to upload last week, but I got lazy. I have no idea how many people read my blog, but apologies.

So regarding #journalismhungergames, here's where I am right now:

Since I've been lazy with uploading, the test results for Round 3 will come in tomorrow, so there is a chance I don't make it and not be in the mood to draw anymore. Intense!

And here I am, trying to be a journalist where you handle more news. Flawless logic!

Colors are my lifelong obsession and I care about them a lot.

(For the record, I look okay in vivid hues + cooler tones.)

When many of my friends taught English in Japan and craved cheese, I thought, "But surely it can't be that bad? Japanese food is delicious and I'm sure they have cheese there too!"

But no, now I understand. I understand so much. Please give me cheese.

On the other hand, if you're a fruit-lover, you'd be very happy. Unless you like tropical fruit, that is...

I still don't know how "Korean people" are supposed to look like.

But wait, that's not all!

Since the company in question requires writing actual news articles in English in a non-English speaking country, it's not really surprising that most people who have made the cut so far are Western-educated and have impressive class privilege records. But it's all very intimidating!

I got the sizing of the longer strips a bit off, but can't undo the error, sorry! At least they're all legible!

I may or may not upload another comic depending on the situation, but timing-wise, this is probably the last one I will upload in Korea!

Comics in Korea 1

I'm in Korea to take the journalist test for this one job position. In case my Facebook post was unclear, this is what I have to go through for the following weeks:

Yes, it's intense.
I passed round 1 and took the written exam for round 2 a few days ago. Results will be posted some time next week.
Is it worth all this? I don't know, but I do know I would like to have the job, so go through all this I shall.

In order to forget the anxiety keep myself entertained in my down time, I drew comics. Whoo still uploading paper comics like an analog caveman! I seriously need a tablet.

(For the record, I can eat most foods now. My stomach got better.)

Will this be my only comic update? Will I pass the second round? Only time will tell!

The Silly Story of How I got a Gazillion Eyeshadows

(There are so many things I could technically write about. Like my impending J-school graduation, my really fucking uncertain future, or the state of the world, both good and the bad. But I'm writing about something else, something much more frivolous. Because this is my "diary" to babble about the mundane and useless, the stupid thoughts and whimsical musings. The stupid things that keep me sane amidst all the uncertainties and world tragedies and the fact that I don't even have a job or an internship yet. Help. So write about stupid fluff I shall.)

*

I recently re-visited my second blog post (effectively my first "real" blog post) of buying my first eyeshadow in 2010, at the grand old age of nineteen.

Oh, how young I was. How naive.

It's 2014 now, and the amount of makeup I possess has exponentially exploded. Literally exponentially, if I were to draw a chart.

And because me writing posts after re-visiting my almost dead blog is apparently a thing now, here is how I got to own a gazillion eyeshadows.

*

High school:

As the 5-10 of you who read my stuff are aware, I did not give a crap about my appearance at all.

Yes, I had a short experimental phase in 10th grade when I showed up in school with girly clothes and gaudy necklaces and sparkly pink lip gloss. But that was a phase. Most of the time I just did. not. care.

But even still, I never HATED makeup. I did own a few items, which were gifted to me by my girlier friends... I just never used it. I assumed that I'd eventually figure it out when I was "old enough" (i.e. some time before 30).

College:

When I went to college, I owned a BB cream and two lip glosses from Korea (2/3 were gifts from mom). I eventually bought black eyeliner and black mascara out of some sort of obligation, but I barely used them.

And then I got my first eyeshadow from Sephora.

Goddamn this was expensive. I had no concept of "low-end" or "high-end" stuff.
I also ruined the entire thing after dropping + trying to revive it.
RIP first eyeshadow.

So I just started to mindlessly slather color on my eyes because "I'm a grown up now and I'm supposed to, I guess", but one day, I randomly put them on in a way that was... actually flattering.

After coming up with a few more looks that suited my face with just three colors, a wonderful and terrible realization struck me:

EYESHADOWS ARE COLORED PENCILS FOR EYES.

This was both wonderful and terrible because I REALLY like colorful things. I just lose my shit over the visible light spectrum.

I also had an unhealthy colored pencil/crayon obsession as a child. I was that kid who owned the Crayola Crayons 96 colors set. I always packed my colored pencils with me when I travelled.

My precious.

So this realization was something akin to re-awakening a drug habit.

South Korea, enabler of addiction:

So while that was going on, I went to Korea for three summers in a row.

And if you aren't aware of it, let me tell you: SOUTH KOREA IS THE LAND OF MAKEUP.

Four makeup stores, all lined up next to each other.
Myeongdong, stahp

I don't know when this happened exactly, but my country somehow learned to make awesome makeup over the last few years, and now tourists flock to Myeongdong to shop until they drop.

So there is:
1) A never-ending supply of makeup
2) Cute and tantalizing packaging, as per many Asian countries
3) CHEAP ALTERNATIVES. I swear, their low-end (i.e. "drugstore") brands perform just as well as the super expensive eyeshadow I got in Sephora. I have no reason to buy the expensive stuff anymore.

The entire country is an enabler for a massive makeup addiction.
I bought so many colorful eyeshadows. Matte, shimmery, glitter, nothing scared me anymore, everything was pretty and I was a happy magpie.

Result:

And that is how I got a gazillion eyeshadows. I now have a gazillion eyeliners and quite a few lipsticks as well. (But no blush/bronzer/highlighter, I found I'm just not interested). As a former tomboy-ish nerd, it's kind of hilarious how things ended up.

The first few times I was getting eyeshadow, I almost felt a sense of guilt - like I was losing myself to an "inner bimbo" (don't laugh). I have been plain and unkempt and makeup-less for so long, that through a mix of insecurity and defensiveness, almost felt proud of that fact, like I was above all the silly female things and somehow that made me a better person than anyone else.

Which is, of course, bullshit.

But I probably would have felt that way for much longer if I did not mentally equate eyeshadow with colored pencils that one day. How "feminine" or "un-feminine" you are doesn't even matter. You just do you, however you want, and that's all you really need.