The Silly Story of How I got a Gazillion Eyeshadows

(There are so many things I could technically write about. Like my impending J-school graduation, my really fucking uncertain future, or the state of the world, both good and the bad. But I'm writing about something else, something much more frivolous. Because this is my "diary" to babble about the mundane and useless, the stupid thoughts and whimsical musings. The stupid things that keep me sane amidst all the uncertainties and world tragedies and the fact that I don't even have a job or an internship yet. Help. So write about stupid fluff I shall.)

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I recently re-visited my second blog post (effectively my first "real" blog post) of buying my first eyeshadow in 2010, at the grand old age of nineteen.

Oh, how young I was. How naive.

It's 2014 now, and the amount of makeup I possess has exponentially exploded. Literally exponentially, if I were to draw a chart.

And because me writing posts after re-visiting my almost dead blog is apparently a thing now, here is how I got to own a gazillion eyeshadows.

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High school:

As the 5-10 of you who read my stuff are aware, I did not give a crap about my appearance at all.

Yes, I had a short experimental phase in 10th grade when I showed up in school with girly clothes and gaudy necklaces and sparkly pink lip gloss. But that was a phase. Most of the time I just did. not. care.

But even still, I never HATED makeup. I did own a few items, which were gifted to me by my girlier friends... I just never used it. I assumed that I'd eventually figure it out when I was "old enough" (i.e. some time before 30).

College:

When I went to college, I owned a BB cream and two lip glosses from Korea (2/3 were gifts from mom). I eventually bought black eyeliner and black mascara out of some sort of obligation, but I barely used them.

And then I got my first eyeshadow from Sephora.

Goddamn this was expensive. I had no concept of "low-end" or "high-end" stuff.
I also ruined the entire thing after dropping + trying to revive it.
RIP first eyeshadow.

So I just started to mindlessly slather color on my eyes because "I'm a grown up now and I'm supposed to, I guess", but one day, I randomly put them on in a way that was... actually flattering.

After coming up with a few more looks that suited my face with just three colors, a wonderful and terrible realization struck me:

EYESHADOWS ARE COLORED PENCILS FOR EYES.

This was both wonderful and terrible because I REALLY like colorful things. I just lose my shit over the visible light spectrum.

I also had an unhealthy colored pencil/crayon obsession as a child. I was that kid who owned the Crayola Crayons 96 colors set. I always packed my colored pencils with me when I travelled.

My precious.

So this realization was something akin to re-awakening a drug habit.

South Korea, enabler of addiction:

So while that was going on, I went to Korea for three summers in a row.

And if you aren't aware of it, let me tell you: SOUTH KOREA IS THE LAND OF MAKEUP.

Four makeup stores, all lined up next to each other.
Myeongdong, stahp

I don't know when this happened exactly, but my country somehow learned to make awesome makeup over the last few years, and now tourists flock to Myeongdong to shop until they drop.

So there is:
1) A never-ending supply of makeup
2) Cute and tantalizing packaging, as per many Asian countries
3) CHEAP ALTERNATIVES. I swear, their low-end (i.e. "drugstore") brands perform just as well as the super expensive eyeshadow I got in Sephora. I have no reason to buy the expensive stuff anymore.

The entire country is an enabler for a massive makeup addiction.
I bought so many colorful eyeshadows. Matte, shimmery, glitter, nothing scared me anymore, everything was pretty and I was a happy magpie.

Result:

And that is how I got a gazillion eyeshadows. I now have a gazillion eyeliners and quite a few lipsticks as well. (But no blush/bronzer/highlighter, I found I'm just not interested). As a former tomboy-ish nerd, it's kind of hilarious how things ended up.

The first few times I was getting eyeshadow, I almost felt a sense of guilt - like I was losing myself to an "inner bimbo" (don't laugh). I have been plain and unkempt and makeup-less for so long, that through a mix of insecurity and defensiveness, almost felt proud of that fact, like I was above all the silly female things and somehow that made me a better person than anyone else.

Which is, of course, bullshit.

But I probably would have felt that way for much longer if I did not mentally equate eyeshadow with colored pencils that one day. How "feminine" or "un-feminine" you are doesn't even matter. You just do you, however you want, and that's all you really need.