Doodle Diaries: Difficulties - What's the point of all this?

I think one of the biggest issues when I'm drawing - other than drawing hurdles and trying to improve - is trying to convince myself that this isn't all meaningless time-wasting in the end.

What are you getting out of this? Why do you even want to do this? Why don't you go outside and explore the world in that time? It's not like this will help you with your career or anything of the sort.

I was talking to a school friend at one point in time - I introduced him to a game, and he got quite good at it, even better than me. Never mind that I'm not really a good gamer to begin with so a lot of people can play better me after some practice

But this didn't lead to him discovering a newfound hobby. He was amused by the game, for sure, but he said he preferred being out and about. "I just feel like, when I just stay indoors like that for a long time - there's so much of the world to explore outside, you know?" he said.

This was about gaming, not drawing. And the tone of voice indicated he didn't mean any offense; he had his own preferences, as did I. But nonetheless that statement stuck with me for a long time.

But you can do some sort of art-related side job, YJS! Make a webcomic or sell prints!

But you see, that's the notion that I have an issue with - that it's not a time-waster only if I can turn it into money. Isn't that the point of a hobby? Something you enjoy without expecting monetary gain?

I get anxious when I think about turning my hobby into a side job. It's something a lot of people suggest to me, like it's something one has to do in life, like getting married or having babies.

Perhaps I only feel this way because I did contemplate art school at one point. I ultimately decided to pursue a writing-related career because while I loved drawing, I absolutely hated drawing when I didn't want to or not being able to draw what I wanted, which is not a good attitude to have for a job.

I certainly do not regret choosing my current path. I do love writing as much as drawing, and I have a much larger endurance for it (and writing jobs don't come any easier than art jobs!) And given my art funk during college years, art school could have been a very terrible time.

And yet I wonder about the road I did not take. The could haves and would haves, all boiling down to constantly questioning myself: What's the point of all this?